the happenings

Mm, it's a pretty grand day.

I'm getting used to the routine of this new life, and while it's exhausting, I also know that it won't last long. A little more than a year from now, I'll be graduating again... AND THEN WHAT.

Ahhhh--I suppose I should be spending this time planning for the future, looking into the nuts and bolts of making my dreams happen.... BUT ACTUALLY I THINK I'LL JUST DRINK A LOT OF WINE, & DANCE. Haha, seriously though. I just wanna play forever, so I'm making sure to do it right now.

Sara B released a cute new video today. So, obviously I bought it... and look, I'm not saying Sara copied me, I'm just saying that it's pretty interesting that her new video so quickly follows the purchase of my leather jacket:

But, you know... whatever. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, as they say.

Last weekend: Mistress Visited
This weekend: Jason Mraz
Next month: New York

& somewhere in there, I'm gonna get a master's degree.... I hope.

"In three words,
I can sum up
everything I know
about life:
It goes on."
-Robert Frost

Oh, here we go bluebird.

Word came through in a letter,
one of us changing our minds.
You won't need to guess who
because I usually do
not send letters to me that are mine...

This pair of wing's worn and rusted
From too many years by my side
They can carry me, swear to be sturdy and strong
But see, turning them on still means goodbye.

This is so hard, the back in forth of feeling fine and then just missing you. Missing that. Missing something that really did mean the world to me for so long. You gave me back something I thought I'd never have again. And I know that everything you said was true, and I probably should have realized that a long time ago. But I guess I can't help being optimistic, always believing that things would change with time. It's just in my nature, and it always will be. I will love totally and completely, I will put everything into the next love, just as I did in this one. Maybe it will run its course. & Maybe I'll find myself somewhere down the road in some different apartment with another glass of wine, reflecting again. But I won't regret it, just as I don't regret this. You respected me enough not to let me do that anymore. I am not angry, I do not blame you. It's just a matter of a love I can't carry anymore. And the realization that I should never have tried to carry it alone.

That said: I'm hurting.
My heart is not quite mine again.
Right now it's a little lost:

in starry nights and camping trips,
in Dave, in Ingrid,
in DC hotel rooms and dance floors,
in the capital building, the white house
at a costume party, in a parasail,
& city hall (or just across the street where it won't fly...)
in shower songs, in little movies
in picnics and presents, kittens and peasants
on a rollercoaster, in a scary movie,
in one tree hill & sports I'll never learn
in that feeling that made my love burn.
in an apple orchard, in laughter,
in not working towards a happily ever after
but a happy here and now.



I'll just find that ever after a little later.
& guess I've just got some livin' to do first.

Unfinished--Like its Author

I am who I am.
My hair friz is a crime,
my gas gauge is on empty
for weeks at a time.

I listen to showtunes,
and watch HGTV.
My jokes are generally funniest
to those under three.

Admittedly, I am a little crazy.
It's normal and natural,
but it can make my judgment hazy.

I can cry myself into laughter
and laugh myself to tears.
These things will not change,
not in all of my years.

It's true: I'm not perfect.
But I must say on my behalf:
there are things I can offer
if you'll just make me laugh.

I am not good at sports,
just watch me run.
But you'll never find me
not appreciating a setting sun.

I'm helpful,
I'm hopeful,
I'm endlessly cheery.
My unfailing optimism
can make an average man weary.

I can't promise perfection,
(I trip a lot).
& I can't help thinking
I'm ridiculously hot.

But I am who I am,
it comes naturally.
So take the time to chase me,
cherish me.
Believe me, I'll do the same.

I'm worth it.
You're worth it.
Every last quirk.
If you can't see that,
this ain't gonna work.