“My thoughts are stars I cannot fathom into constellations.”

Last night, I cried to her about missing the fictional characters in the book I just finished. She is still dating me today. Oh man, folks...

Hello world!

Life is speeding on around me, but I am feeling competent for the first time in a long time... and, since I'm months away from being a first-year teacher, I'm probably feeling competent for the last time in a long time, HA. So, what I'm saying is that I need to enjoy this while it lasts.

My nail polish is called "Eternal Optimist."

My nail polish and I have that in common.

Here's a List of Exciting Things:

1. Tomorrow I'm turning my kindergarten classroom into PRODUCERS and DIRECTORS. Baby Spielbergs. They're gonna love it... maybe?
2. My favorite professor is currently waiting to hear from a grant proposal that may grant me funding as a GA for the summer. WHICH WOULD SAVE ME from a summer of restocking value priced merchandise at your friendly, neighborhood CVS.
3. I have not one but TWO professors working with me towards publication, which means my resume will be colorful. Because I'm printing it on pink paper. Oh man I'm funny. Hahaha, but seriously if these articles come to fruition, I'll be in better shape on my job search.
4. One of these articles is going to be the basis of my inquiry project in the fall. Which means I'll have SUPPORT. Thank little baby Jesus.
5. I'm going to a conference this weekend at George Mason to present about the internship blog I worked with as an undergrad. My best friend is going to a conference in Vegas. Today we realized that we are pretty big deals, ya know?
   After the conference, I'm gonna see some girl. You know, just whomever shows up...
6. My brother's wedding is just around the corner. I've ordered my bridesmaids dress and it's pretty damned fabulous. In fact, I have three weekends of weddings in a row this summer. Love is in the air.
7. SOME DAY I'm going to make a documentary about dramatic play in my classroom. My vision? Shakespeare.

Lists are fun, right? Alright, alright. I know that's a nerdy list. But like... if the shoe fits:

“Saying 'I notice you're a nerd' is like saying, 'Hey, I notice that you'd rather be intelligent than be stupid, that you'd rather be thoughtful than be vapid, that you believe that there are things that matter more than the arrest record of Lindsay Lohan. Why is that?' In fact, it seems to me that most contemporary insults are pretty lame. Even 'lame' is kind of lame. Saying 'You're lame' is like saying 'You walk with a limp.' Yeah, whatever, so does 50 Cent, and he's done all right for himself.”

― John Green

Someone in Harrisonburg needs to take up the ukulele... and then make me better. That is all.

All we can do...

Something I've learned along the way: Stop taking things so seriously.

Things always end up working themselves out, and the amount of worry/panic that you put into it has little to no bearing on this fact.

This is me NOT SERIOUSLY considering the

bagel on my desk.

What's happening now is bizarre in the best kind of way. I don't know where it came from, but that happens so often in life that I've decided to stop questioning it. I'm not in a hurry. I know where I am, who I am, what I want and now I know better than to settle for anything less. I am enjoying this feeling, I am enjoying the experience, and I am mandating that I not let irrational thoughts of self-doubt interfere. Why should I? If it doesn't work, then it was something that made me happy for at least a little bit and there is something better coming. That said, it's probably one of the scariest things that has happened to me in a long time. But if it isn't scary, it isn't worth it. If I'm not pushing myself, pushing my boundaries and breaking my patterns, than I am not growing. I'm stagnant. And that's how you get malaria, folks.

...that's a mosquito joke. Niche humor.

Something else I've learned: When I like someone, I'm going to know about it.

I don't ever have to guess. So, the next time I find myself wondering "Could I like this person?" or "Why don't I like this person?," I'm going to stop. If I have to ask, I don't. And that's okay. Ohh, that's a subcategory of this heading:

Something else I've learned:

a) Never feel guilty about your feelings.

There are a multitude of things in life about which you are going to feel guilty. You are responsible for your behavior 24/7 and for each of the one million choices we make every day. Sometimes you are going to make the wrong choice. It's going to happen. And you are going to feel guilty. Your feelings are not in your control. They are what they are. Be honest about them, but never degrade or begrudge a feeling that you do or do not have.

This week in kindergarten, we are studying presidents. Things I've learned from 5 year olds: Justin Bieber is of legal voting age; Dr. Seuss' birthday is today. I'm not sure that either of those facts are entirely relevant.

One more thing I've learned: Slow down.

It's more than just a 'The Academy Is...' song. People never rarely regret taking the time to think things through. My personality sometimes makes me prone to impulsivity. I race past my own starting line before ever taking the time to consider if I actually want to run the race. The best things in life are worth waiting for... and if you're not careful, you'll find yourself squashing possibilities, rushing past them without pause for consideration. Ask all the questions in your mind. Don't be afraid to realize incongruencies and negatives. They don't necessarily discount the value of the situation, but being aware of them will aid you in preparing for them.

& Finally:

Dear Universe,

Thank you for everything. Especially Jupiter and Venus. Don't make life easy, but please make it grand.

Love always,

Me.