What happens in Lauren Granger's life when Ingrid releases a new single:

I feel what she is feeling.

My life has 2 rules:

1. Be happy.

2. The Keats Rule (ie: When this is not the case, understand that unhappiness only makes room for happiness. You can only ever be as happy as you've been unhappy. Everything increases your capacity to feel. Your happiness gives you more to lose, and your loss creates space for appreciation to breed happiness.)

It's incredible, my mind has been so topsy-turvy lately anyway, a byproduct of the constant disequilibration to which I submit myself. And now this song, it just makes me feel, something I've been actively trying to think, process & rationalize myself out of doing. Life changes so rapidly, and I am trying to embrace every change. Trying to focus on the positive, finding the silver lining. It's not even second nature to me, that IS my nature. And it is exactly how I want to be, it is my favorite thing about me. So it's always so strange when I find myself stuck in the mire of something of which I can't think myself out.

There are things I miss. Things I am actively unhappy about losing.

My Aunt. Love. The cat.

So I have to default to Rule 2. I have to understand that loss makes me better, stronger, more capable. But that doesn't solve the problem of EMOTIONS. And isn't that just the most frustrating feeling in the world? Knowing that you are exactly where you need to be, and still feeling the absence of what you had to lose to get there?

Anyway, listen to this . I transcribed the lyrics because that's what GA's do. There are a few refrains I didn't include, but the gist is there. And the gist is enough. I just... Ugh. I can't wait to see her. I guess that's my point?

Ingrid Michaelson-Ghost

Do you remember when the walls fell?

Do you remember the sound that the door made when you closed it on me?

Do you know that I went down to the ground,
landed on both my broken heart & knees.
I didn't even cry, because pieces of me had already died.

I'm a ghost haunting these halls,

climbing up walls that I never knew were there.

I'm lost, broken down the middle of my heart, heart.

You know you made me a ghost.

I'm an invisible disaster.
I keep trying to walk, but my feet can't find a solid ground.

It's like livin' in a bad dream,

I keep trying to scream but my tongue has finally lost its sound.

I've got to say goodbye, to the pieces of me that have already died.

I'm a ghost haunting these halls,

climbing up walls that I never knew were there.
I'm lost, broken down the middle of my heart, heart.
You know you made me a ghost.

You know you make me a ghost,
you make me a ghost.

You make me a ghost.

I don't cry. I don't try anymore.
I'm lost. I'm broken down the middle of...

broken down the middle of my heart, heart.

I'm a monarch, duh.

The fact that my entire life lies basically unplanned before me is simultaneously the most thrilling and terrifying truth.

Like... How are my friends DOING IT?

I don't know. I think I have been suffering under the misconception that my college years are the best years of my life and that they will come to a skidding halt and leave me alone in the dark and without friends or family to support me. And I am slowly coming to terms with the incredibly comforting idea that the only thing I will lose upon graduation is PROXIMITY. But geography is not destiny, I've known that my whole life. And yeah, I'll have more accounting to do for travel time when my friends are no longer within walking distance, but there is nothing keeping me from being in touch with and accessible to those I love.

Also, family support is a given. It's like the mafia: blood in, blood out.

I've been thinking a lot about DC & its surrounding suburbs, and I'm feeling a renewed sense of interest in settling there for a while. Last night, I was on my way to Annapolis when a series of wrong turns and detours landed me lost on Pennsylvania Avenue for... a significant period of time. It's true, the roads & traffic in NoVa have always been a barrier to me in seeing myself living happily there, but I couldn't help but notice how astonishingly beautiful the monuments looked at night.

Yeah... that was probably an unsafe time to take a picture... BUT YOU KNOW, WHATEVER. My point is that I started thinking about how beauty isn't just college-specific. It's going to follow me my whole life long. I will find fulfilling work, and it will be beautiful. I will find a house that's all my own, and fill it with all things beautiful. I'm going to get a pet, name it something fantastic & love it beautifully. And I'll find a soulmate, someone who'll make my already beautiful life extraordinary. That's something I really look forward to, despite my inaction in its pursuit. I just feel like I want to be the best possible version of me, and I know I have so much left to learn. I believe its so easy to find compatibility and so much harder to find compatibility that also challenges and improves you. Other things on my life partner checklist: A sense of humor. Sexiness. Passion. Good taste in music. Fashion sense (I'm tryna double that wardrobe, you know?). Willingness to learn more about the things that interest me. Having new interests that I can learn more about, too. Fantastic kisser. Entertaining. Supportive. Likes my friends. Likes my family. Has cool friends. Has fun family. Understands both the need for midnight ice cream and morning yoga. Good dancer. Can hold their liquor. Likes dogs. Likes cats. Handles stress well. Good taste in home decor (we JUST talked about filling a house with beautiful things...). & last but definitely not least: I'm looking for someone that thinks that I am as funny as I do. That's when I'll know it's right.

Interested? Inquire within.

(Not a sexual innuendo)

(OKAY, maybe...)